Recently a group of people from the church where I attend came out to do a variety of projects at my home. The help was most welcome as it's not easy for me to do some things because of either physical strength limitations or knowledge of how to do a needed task. While I was able to assemble this chair, heavy landscaping and painting (among others) was beyond my scope.
Being helped is both humbling and humiliating. It wasn't easy for me to sort through my emotions, and in general, I'm pretty good at pinpointing them. Imagine you are a person living in a high stress, chaotic home, and the emotions they may have. If I felt a little testy and upset now and then, I could understand another flying off the handle.
Having someone come to your home, where you may be managing at a just-above-crisis level or maybe a little higher, then having them diagnose what you need done means differing expectations. There were three categories to describe how I felt. The first was what I knew I needed done and they agreed. Obviously, this was mutually beneficial and expectations were close to equal. The second was stuff I didn't think needed done but they thought needed done. This resulted in me feeling embarrassed that something I either didn't see or had a different level of it being fine the way it was but they saw it lacking. The third level was stuff they saw needed done that I didn't do, even though I could have done it. This also was embarrassing. In the third case, I had to own that it was my own lack of diligence (read-lazy).
Sorting through the emotions:
Feeling humbled is a good thing. We resist help because we want to be proud of being independent, among other things. We want to feel we can do things on our own. Facing we need help - that we need OTHERS - is an essential part of life. Isolation and self-reliance is not the way we were intended to live. Having a church family reminded me of that. While difficult, I recommend everyone allow others to help them, even if it's just helping you wash your car. It's good to experience this emotion.
Feeling humiliated is not so good. On the one hand, I don't want to live House and Garden Beautiful, but others' expectations made me feel inadequate (and possibly trashy). It's good to avoid putting someone else in this position. On the other hand, letting some areas get trashy was my own fault and I had to face that. It's good for me to feel that way too, as it's a proper chastisement to motivate me to do better.
During the morning, I had the opportunity to meet new people in an environment that was very comfortable - not the awkward moments of standing in the lobby with a coffee cup trying to come up with small talk. I stink at that. However, while occupied with a task, that's a topic of conversation that easily leads to deeper issues. I was honored to hear the stories of other people's lives. It is ALWAYS good to listen and remember that other people have areas that are difficult.
By the end of the day, my property shined and looked restored and orderly. Looking at cleaned up, tidier areas make me feel grateful and relieved. Those are good feelings.
This is only a small recounting of the day. If you are contemplating becoming involved with service projects, keep in mind what it's like to be on the other side. Here are some extra points that weren't necessarily a part of my experience, but can factor into a day.
1. Having someone show up before the project to evaluate specific projects and the necessary tools is very helpful. Each party should be clear as to who will provide what, resulting in as equal expectations as possible.
2. Respect each other's time. People in crisis are in crisis for a reason - usually they can't manage doing anything for a long period of time. Have a clear end time for the day.
3. Decide how, if at all, a person can show their gratitude. While some people can not afford to pay for the work being done, they may be able to pay for a small portion. Or, if they want to make some snack or provide drinks, let them do so. Allowing them to show gratitude in some way is part of their hospitality for the guests. At the same time, we can never repay the debt paid for us by Christ, and helping others is a demonstration of His grace and love. If there is a spiritual component to your group or why you help, be sure to keep this message separate from the hospitality element.
Now, go help someone. Or, let someone help you!
Being helped is both humbling and humiliating. It wasn't easy for me to sort through my emotions, and in general, I'm pretty good at pinpointing them. Imagine you are a person living in a high stress, chaotic home, and the emotions they may have. If I felt a little testy and upset now and then, I could understand another flying off the handle.
Having someone come to your home, where you may be managing at a just-above-crisis level or maybe a little higher, then having them diagnose what you need done means differing expectations. There were three categories to describe how I felt. The first was what I knew I needed done and they agreed. Obviously, this was mutually beneficial and expectations were close to equal. The second was stuff I didn't think needed done but they thought needed done. This resulted in me feeling embarrassed that something I either didn't see or had a different level of it being fine the way it was but they saw it lacking. The third level was stuff they saw needed done that I didn't do, even though I could have done it. This also was embarrassing. In the third case, I had to own that it was my own lack of diligence (read-lazy).
Sorting through the emotions:
Feeling humbled is a good thing. We resist help because we want to be proud of being independent, among other things. We want to feel we can do things on our own. Facing we need help - that we need OTHERS - is an essential part of life. Isolation and self-reliance is not the way we were intended to live. Having a church family reminded me of that. While difficult, I recommend everyone allow others to help them, even if it's just helping you wash your car. It's good to experience this emotion.
Feeling humiliated is not so good. On the one hand, I don't want to live House and Garden Beautiful, but others' expectations made me feel inadequate (and possibly trashy). It's good to avoid putting someone else in this position. On the other hand, letting some areas get trashy was my own fault and I had to face that. It's good for me to feel that way too, as it's a proper chastisement to motivate me to do better.
During the morning, I had the opportunity to meet new people in an environment that was very comfortable - not the awkward moments of standing in the lobby with a coffee cup trying to come up with small talk. I stink at that. However, while occupied with a task, that's a topic of conversation that easily leads to deeper issues. I was honored to hear the stories of other people's lives. It is ALWAYS good to listen and remember that other people have areas that are difficult.
By the end of the day, my property shined and looked restored and orderly. Looking at cleaned up, tidier areas make me feel grateful and relieved. Those are good feelings.
This is only a small recounting of the day. If you are contemplating becoming involved with service projects, keep in mind what it's like to be on the other side. Here are some extra points that weren't necessarily a part of my experience, but can factor into a day.
1. Having someone show up before the project to evaluate specific projects and the necessary tools is very helpful. Each party should be clear as to who will provide what, resulting in as equal expectations as possible.
2. Respect each other's time. People in crisis are in crisis for a reason - usually they can't manage doing anything for a long period of time. Have a clear end time for the day.
3. Decide how, if at all, a person can show their gratitude. While some people can not afford to pay for the work being done, they may be able to pay for a small portion. Or, if they want to make some snack or provide drinks, let them do so. Allowing them to show gratitude in some way is part of their hospitality for the guests. At the same time, we can never repay the debt paid for us by Christ, and helping others is a demonstration of His grace and love. If there is a spiritual component to your group or why you help, be sure to keep this message separate from the hospitality element.
Now, go help someone. Or, let someone help you!
